Well, this may not come across as the most inspiring prose one has ever clapped one’s peepers on but, to be fair to me, this is my first foray into the wondrous world that is blogging.
You will, I am afraid, have to suspend your disbelief a little further than would be normally prudent in order to actually gain something from this exercise. It’s that or you could always bog off and check out something more interesting until I have begun to crack this writing for the masses lark! I am not sure that a great deal of introspection is either needed or even healthy as to the general reasonings for embarking on one of these as a venture.
I am still trying to work out why, after years of computer ownership and internet access, I have decided to take the plunge into the great unknown. The Lord knows that there are enough people out there doing things way more interesting things than I. I would hazard a guess by stating that I am plain up-and-down curious to see where this is gonna take me and (who knows?) some of you…..
So, what time is it? Damn, it’s nearly 5 in the bloody morning! What in the name of all that is holy am I doing up at this ungodly hour? I know that I do nights and all but not tonight so I can’t figure quite why I am up waiting for the day to come upon us all again. I am off-duty from the land of the rich’n'ill at the moment, where I earn my daily crust, so I should be getting all the rest known to man……..and yet I don’t seem to feel the need to be deeply into the land of nod under the old Kingsize duvet. I know that Herself has taken my side of the bed and all but, right now, she can have it….
So what is the cause of this insomnia? Simple. I have a new gadget love in my life. I fell, dear reader, and I fell heavy. Dear God, I left a crater…..
I resigned myself to a healthy expenditure after my last laptop recently decided that he didn’t want to play with me anymore! Quite why, I am not sure. I was always good to him for the last year that I had owned it. I even took him on holiday! Ungrateful swine!
So now he sits in the corner smug and unused. The trouble is that I do actually really need a computer that will not actually have a self-induced crisis of faith in themselves and will actually, you know, work when it is asked to without freezing up into a 4 kilo fucking paperweight just at the point when you are about to save the work you have been slaving over for the last four fucking hours!!
Yes, I know. I am bitter. Sue me. C’mon, who hasn’t been there and has seriously contemplated buying a cat just so you can kick it at this point in your personal meltdown, cursing the Lords of Intel, Microsoft and Third Party Providers unto their fourth generation!
Finally, I decided I had enough with the whole damn thing but I knew that I was going to have to commit to the whole ‘buy-a-high-end-electronic-doodad-in-order-to-keep-in-touch-and-get-shit-done-on-a-daily-basis’ thing. Well, you do, don’t you? At what point did we decide that we could not function without our computers? I am just as guilty as anyone – more so, I will wager. I love gadgets and no-one I know runs out quicker to upgrade than yours truly. If it shines and beeps and does cool stuff (no, not stuff, fool! It has a multitude of functions is what it has!) then count me in. I will have it, mate!
So, after cursing continuously for about two days without fail, I decided to buy a new laptop.
But this time I was not to be swayed with the blandishments that the Lord of Vexation (that’s Bill Gates to you and me!) continues to peddle to the Great Unwashed!
Not for me, say I. You have had me more than once and it stops now! Fool me once blah, blah, blah! You know the rest…
No, this time, I decided to go down the Mac path. Two fingers up to all at Camp Vista et al!! I was going to buy a grown up pooter. I gots me a MacBook Pro. Hurrah!
Cutting the shopping story short (who wants to know about the excursion to the Regents Street Apple shop? Honestly! I went in, I asked, I got – job done!) I got home and for once I got exactly what I was promised……..
…..I opened the box and the (beautiful – yes, I said it, beautiful) MacBook Pro I just paid a king’s ransom for switched on and worked. It didn’t ask for my personal feelings, deep-seated personal anxieties, inside leg measurement or political affiliations. It went straight to the interweb, said howya and just got the hell on with it. What a fecking relief!!
This NEVER happens to me. There is ALWAYS something wrong or missing or wrong or corrupted or just wrong! Did I say that already? I was suitably impressed but still waiting for something to go horribly wrong. Well, it is bound to ‘cos I just paid out a heaving shitload of cash, right?
Well, no. Not right. It seems that finally I bought something that does exactly what it says on the tin (figuratively speaking, of course. It did come in a box after all).
Who knew….?
That was about a week ago and the whole ‘wincing-when-they-asked-for-my-pin-number’ still looms large in my night terrors! That being said, I am having a blast working with my pretty new laptop. I am still working out the whole Mac interface thing seeing as how I have been weaned on the Windows Way thus I keep going to the wrong corner to close and such. I will learn, however…..
I will, I tell ya! Know why? ‘Cos it is just so much fun!! That and the bloody thing has not frozen, stopped or told me to bugger off once in the whole time I have been on this thing……..and the Lord knows I have been on this pretty much 24/bloody 7!! For goodness sake, I am losing sleep over here!
So, I think that this could be the start of something really special. Me and my new, shiny, brushed aluminium, sleek, sexy wee crackbook will be seen out and about in a coffeeshop near you very soon……
Can’t fecking wait…..
